If you’ve seen the posters for The Amazing Spider-Man 2, then you may have read the tagline: “His Greatest Battle Begins.” Spoiler alert: Spidey’s battle is not the June LSAT.
But, and I know we’re on the same page here, what if it was? Surely the Law School Admission Test is as formidable an opponent as a Blue Man Group-styled Jaime Foxx. So let’s suspend our disbelief, like an audience pretending a 30-year-old Andrew Garfield is a high school student, and imagine the cast of characters from The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is going to take the LSAT. How would they do? And why?
In my particular order, here are the results:
Gwen Stacy — (Emma Stone)
If you haven’t read the comics or seen this latest Amazing reboot you might be thinking, “Where is Mary Jane?” Well, if you’re looking for Mary Jane, book a flight to Colorado. Gwen is Peter’s first love, a smart and charismatic chief intern at Oscorp. She helps Peter develop an antidote that…wait, what does science have to do with scoring well on the LSAT? Nothing. But, Gwen is the responsible type, so I’m thinking she enrolls in a quality LSAT prep class. She does all the homework and practice tests and always checks her answers, even the right ones. I like her work ethic.
How does she score? Smart, responsible and super clutch. 172
Harry Osborn/Green Goblin — (Dane DeHaan)
Harry was a childhood friend of Peter who was sent to boarding school in Europe. Fancy. Now he’s back and heading up Oscorp. Is this kid smart or just spoiled? He’s probably getting one-on-one tutoring from a top LSAT prep company, so that’s a plus. But, let’s consider that Harry doesn’t figure out Parker is Spider-Man even when Peter is somehow getting all these great photos of the webbed wonder. How’d you get that sweet angle, Pete? Kinda obvious, right? Harry eventually learns it’s his boy in that spandex suit but it took a minute, so I’m thinking Harry has an issue with timing. Harry becomes Hob Goblin, which turns him green but I don’t think that affects his performance.
How does he score? Struggles to answer questions in a timely fashion. 156
Max Dillon/Electro — (Jamie Foxx)
An electrical engineer at Oscorp, he develops an obsession with Spider-Man after being saved by him. Later, Max obtains his powers through an accident involving electric eels. Sounds fun. Unfortunately for him, LSAC has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to electronic devices on the LSAT, and this guy is, in fact, pretty much an electronic device. Assuming he gets into the exam room, he’s totally preoccupied with Spider-Man like a middle school girl filling up her trapper keeper with different versions of her name with her crush’s last name: Mr. Max Spider-Man, Mr. and Mr. Spider-Mans, stuff like that. Even if somehow Electro makes it past section one, frustrations get the best of him, he causes a blackout and screws up the test administration for the entire center.
How does he score? Cancelled (Dismissed from LSAT test center)
Peter Parker/Spider-Man — (Andrew Garfield)
Academically brilliant, a bite from a radioactive spider gives Peter Parker his super powers. One such power being a “spider sense” that alerts him to danger. So, LSAT test day might go something like this: Section 1/Question 1, Danger! Don’t pick A, B, D or E. If Petey only bubbles in the not-dangerous letters he’s on his way to perfection. And, even if he gets up to fight off a villain or three during the exam, he’s still very quick so he finishes with plenty of time. Barring any mishaps like an accidental web shooting that keeps him from being able to open his exam booklet, Spider-Man dominates this battle.
How does he score? Bug boy kills it. 180