It’s only the second day of the New Year. Before you begin actually attempting to make good on that New Year’s Resolution to lose weight/stop smoking/refrain from Facebook stalking your ex, we wanted to bring you a little light reading. Without further ado, the most ridiculous lawsuits of 2009.
The Magical Sperm Pool
A Polish woman sues an Egyptian hotel, claiming it was their fault that her daughter became impregnated. Magdalena Kwiatkowska believes her 13-year-old daughter conceived after swimming in the hotel pool in which they were staying. She is convinced that her daughter didn’t meet any boys while on the trip, and that the pregnancy was caused by stray sperm in the pool. Source
Legal Masterpiece Theater
Jonathan Lee Riches sues the Guinness Book of World Records for naming him the most litigious person ever. One of his 4,000+ lawsuits lists 783 defendants, including Plato, the Eiffel Tower, the Garden of Eden, the Holy Grail, and the dwarf planet Pluto. He is currently doing hard time in Lexington, KY for wire fraud. Source
Lonely Hearts Misled
Sean McGinn sues Match.com for inflicting “humiliation and disappointment.” Although he’s met a significant other through the site, McGinn believes that much emotional turmoil is caused by incessantly emailing members whose accounts are inactive or cancelled. Apparently, more users than McGinn feel this constant rejection. The class action case, which exceeds more than $5 million in damages, already has 15 lonely hearts lined up to participate. Source
Those Boobs are Mine!
Erik Isaacson sues his soon-to-be ex wife, Traci Isaacson, for custody of their children and her breasts. Mr. Isaacson believes that the cost of the breast implants as well as her Lasik eye surgery should be added to his list of marital assets. The value of both the used breast implants and improved vision has yet to be decided, and the question of who instigated the surgeries remains as well. Most likely, Mrs. Isaacson will retain custody of her breasts, although she may have to pay her husband back for them. Source
There just aren’t words for this
Franz A. Wakefield sues Apple, Steve Jobs, and Sarah Jessica Parker for stealing his idea for the iPod, iPhone, iTunes, and iPhoto. Wakefield claims that he was asked by a congressman to disclose his “trade secrets” to the FBI, which included concepts for the now popular line of mp3 players. He also claims that he and Parker had become friends, and she went behind his back and took the plans to Apple founder Steve Jobs. Wakefield has also logged complaints against Nintendo and Cordis Corp with the FBI. Source
There they are. Please return to your regularly scheduled hangover recovery process. We here at MSS recommend anything on the value menu of Jack In the Box, plus Gatorade.