Welcome, everyone pursuing a leghoul career, to Halloween Week. For this week, we’ll be transforming, like Michael Jackson into Werewolf Michael Jackson, into Ghost Strongly Supported and Booprint LSAT as we celebrate the spookiest aspects of the LSAT, law school (… we mean law ghoul), and the legal field. Today, we’re talking Halloween candy.
All Hallows’ Eve occurring on a Tuesday this year nicely bifurcated Halloween into two separate holidays. On Saturday, it was Adult Halloween (Halloweaned?), wherein adults put on their most topical and/or sensual costumes (which reminds us, you still have time to post your best costume or pumpkin carving using #booprint to have a shot at winning a $100 Amazon gift card) and imbibed all matters of devilish elixirs. And the real holiday this Tuesday will be Kid’s Halloween (Halloweaning?), with age-appropriate costumes and candy and solicitations of tricks and/or treats.
So we’ll continue Halloween Week here at Ghost Strongly Supported, but after last week’s more adult themes last week like the scariest legal cases ever, this week we’ll go with more puerile options.
So today, we’re here to discuss candy. Surely you, as an LSAT test-taker or law school applier, are above trick-or-treating. But surely you, as someone who is stressed out with your progress now that your weekend was lost to binging Stranger Things 2 and binge-drinking stronger things too, are not above eating a ton of the current bounty of fun-sized candy bars.
But which candy you draw first may tell you more about your LSAT abilities than you realize. So we’re going to break down what your favorite Halloween candy tells you about yourself, the LSAT, and law school.
Pros: You are well-rounded test taker who has all of the basics down. Just as the Snickers assures you that each bar will be a delicate balance of sweet and salty, texture and substance, you too have all your bases covered. You know the fundamentals of each section, not overemphasizing any at the expense of the rest.
Cons: Each fun-sized Snickers packs as deceptive number of calories, so throwing a few of these dense treats into your gaping maw is an exercise of indulgence bordering on gluttony. Likewise, you risk over-indulging in your study habits, over-exerting and ultimately exhausting yourself before test day.
Pros: You’re good at logic games, as you are clearly willing to work through a lot of scenarios (packets of two Starburst candies) to find the perfect deduction (the elusive double-pink pack).
Cons: You are clearly are willing to entertain a lot of bad (orange and yellow Starbursts), in order to find inherent good in people (and candies — which for Starbursts is the red and pink). While this might serve you well as a criminal defense attorney, it will not on the LSAT. The vast majority of arguments on that exam are totally bad and flawed, and it doesn’t seem as if you are willing to address them with the ruthlessness that you should.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Pros: You have excellent taste in candy, finding a candy that is neither too sweet nor too salty, the two flavor sensations existing in perfect harmony. You are likely similarly discriminating in choosing professors to write your letters of recommendation, fine-tuning your personal statement, and choosing a suitable law school.
Cons: While salty and sweet is a perfect combination for candy, it’s less pleasant for the LSAT. Your practice exam scores likely vary wildly from salty (low) to sweet (high). Also, as Mitch Hedburg famously joked, there’s an apostrophe in the name of these. They belong to some guy named Reese. You are accordingly stealing this candy. You may be disbarred for misappropriating your client’s funds once an attorney.
Pros: Choosing a candy comprised of little more than toasted coconut shreds and dark chocolate is a classy move, proving that you are a sophisticated adult. You leave the jejune candies to children, opting instead for a mature candy of substance and integrity. You will accordingly have a well-thought out study plan for the LSAT and will be exceedingly well organized as you apply for law school.
Cons: With an adult candy, you likely have concomitant adult responsibilities. Full-time work, bills, significant others, perhaps children and mortgages and investments. Balancing these attendant responsibilities while studying for the LSAT will be difficult, but not unmanageable.
Pros: You likely first tried these after seeing an advertisement featuring Bart Simpson, which means you at least have good taste when it comes to cartoons.
Cons: And yet, Butterfingers, which offer little in the way of good flavor but much in the way of a tenacious adherence to the grooves of your molars, are among the more annoying candies to eat. Accordingly, you are probably super annoying to your friends and family as you study for the LSAT. You’re probably constantly pestering and posting about how stressed out you are, how poorly your studies are going, and how behind you are on your applications. This is likely despite the fat that your studies are going just fine. You are as thirsty for reassurance as a child who consumed several of these salty candies is thirsty for hydration.
Pros: Literally nothing.
Cons: If you, as an adult, willingly consume these wax-flavored supposed candies, we’re not sure you’ll be able to exercise the good judgment, discretion, or professionalism the LSAT, law school, and a legal career require. You will be easily misled on this exam, and elsewhere in your life, as you are clearly duped by a candy named after corn that is not really shaped or flavored like the staple crop. You should reassess your life choices before you commit to something as important as a Halloween costume, much less a career path.