Being both an LSAT instructor and a married man can be pretty hard. Trying to use logic with a woman is already hard enough, but a married woman? Think there’ll be fallacies? Brother, you don’t know the half of it.
Take last Friday night. So I’m out with Mike at the bar, and I get home pretty late. So what? I work hard. I deserve a beer or two. Anyway, Deborah’s waiting up, going on and on about missing dinner or some garbage. And as if that wasn’t enough, she starts saying that I’m drunk. Classic temporal fallacy. Sure, I was at the bar, and sure, I maybe had a couple pitchers, but that was at the bar. Just because I was drunk then doesn’t mean I was drunk when I got home. What’s true about the past doesn’t have to be true of the future. And besides, if I were drunk, would I be able to drive myself home? That shut Deborah up.
Anyway, she wakes me up in the morning, even though she knows I’ve got real bad headaches in the morning, but she wakes me up anyway. Going on about how the car’s smashed up in front of the house, how I must’ve crashed it last night coming home from the bar. But that’s Deborah for you, always making exclusivity fallacies. “Hey, it could’ve been something else that smashed up the car,” I says to her. Anyway, I thought that would be the end of the story. Fat chance of that. Deborah starts saying that everyone on the block saw me crash the car into the tree last night. Everyone? EVERYONE? Apparently Deborah doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “everyone.” It was just that busybody Joanne, lives two doors down, who says she saw me. That’s Deborah for you, making sampling fallacies every which way. Joanne’s too small a sample size. I say to Deborah, “Joanne ain’t ‘everyone.’ Besides, I told you I don’t want you hanging around that woman anymore, getting her nose into our business all the time. She’s no good.”
But then she starts crying, right there in the street. Says she’s lonely, and that I don’t love her anymore. Why’s she think this? Get this – because I never say “I love you” to her. So I say, “Deborah, you dummy, that’s the absence of evidence fallacy. Just because I don’t say I love you doesn’t mean that I don’t. You can just be so hard to love sometimes.” Anyways, she didn’t bring it up again, so she probably just forgot about it. That’s women for you, am I right?